We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
