it wasn't lemon gatorade
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
