We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
