apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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