they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
