hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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