Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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