And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
