Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
