I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm at about main and main street
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
