Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
