No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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