I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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