i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
