And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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