So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
