Redeem this text for a blowjob
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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