I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
