My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
