We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
