I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We just shotgunned beers for America
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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