I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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