is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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