..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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