Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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