yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
