I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
