white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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