Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
