Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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