Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
