Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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