I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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