I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
