Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
