we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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