I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
