It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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