Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
