i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
