don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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