I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
