things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
