No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
