how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
