Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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