You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
