Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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