quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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