He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
