Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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