Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
