I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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