the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
