ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
