It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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