I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't put those talents on a resume
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
