My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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