His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
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