discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
