i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
