i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
