Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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