Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
