god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize