I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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