I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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