Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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