My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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