if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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