it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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