your parents love me but you hate me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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