I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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