she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
