Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
