Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
