I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
