Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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