Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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