Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
