I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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