I just threw up on my dentist
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
