its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
