I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
