he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
