you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
