After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
