Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
