if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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