Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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