I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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