she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
